When was the first time I fell in love? Interesting question as I always get confused between love and infatuation.
But if I can remember correctly, the first time I got anywhere near that feeling was in the summer of 1995. I was attending my cousin's marriage in Rourkela.
The spirit of marital celebrations was all around. And as luck would have it, my cousin's neighbour's daughter was a cute little fair girl named Sundari. The moment I set my eyes upon her, I was mesmerized. I could hear my heart beating as if ten elephants were jumping on a huge trampoline, my palms were sweating. Suddenly I wanted to look all grown up and important. From that day onwards, I swore to wear only full pants.
While I was doing all my stealth research on the beautiful damsel, I came to know that she studied in the 6th standard. (I was in the 7th standard). Hallelujah! Even the Gods were with me.
At first, she didn't notice me, I was aghast. What could a smitten boy like me do to get her attention?
While she was happily mingling with my cousin's and other girls, and playing antakshiri, I went and sat with the whole group. The only boy among a whole bunch of girls. It sounds tempting right now but trusts me, at that time, I was paralyzed with fear. I gazed at her from side way's hoping against hope that she would notice. Just when I was losing all hope, my cousin asked me to sing a song. I thought, great, now I had no chance whatsoever. I wanted to declare a personal jehad against my stupid cousin. As I was in a catch 22 situation, I decided to be brave and sing. Mind it, I was not even the famous bathroom singer at that time. (well now I am at least a decent bathroom singer, you can even ask for a demo).
The letter was A. The only song which came to my mind was ankhon hi ankhon mein ishara ho gaya (all the gestures have been through eyes).
While singing the song I was directly staring at her, I couldn't help it. Even if a person didn't know about my intentions, it was in-your-face. Suddenly everybody started to make fun of me and her. I still can't understand what joy did these adults get by making my life so miserable. I don't know about her but I was blushing and my colour turned into deep beetroot. She got up and ran away. The disaster of mammoth proportions.
The next day was the marriage. Like all kids of the family, I was bestowed with the duty of taking care of guests. The moment I saw Sundari entering with her parents, I went ahead with 200% more enthusiasm and greeted them like a long lost family. I had to impress her, it was now or never. After ensuring that they got the cold drinks and snacks I left my post and stayed near them. All this time I was looking at her for a few seconds and then looking somewhere else and she was also doing the same. Once I saw that she was alone, I went ahead with all the courage and spoke to her for the first time.
I said hi! she didn't say anything. She was looking down. After a prolonged silence I said... Hi..... again, now with more confidence. In a very low voice, she said hi. Oh! What a voice, it was like 1000 angels singing a love song. I looked into her eyes and told her "I err...hmmm... LIKE YOU". As I was eagerly waiting for her reply, I was called by my wretched cousin. I said I will be right back. But by the time I returned she was gone. Was she angry? did she think of me as a low-grade rascal? did she even know the meaning of rascal?, what if she told her rowdy father about our little Rendevous? and the most important thing, did she at least like me? That was the longest night of my life. I was terrified and couldn't sleep at all.
I was leaving the next day. I wanted to write a note for her with my phone number and address, but then I remembered her dad's gigantic figure and dark moustaches and dropped the idea. With a heavy heart, I was leaving for the bus stand and it was at that moment that I saw her standing near her gate and waving at me. She was smiling.
That was the last time I saw her. When I visited Rourkela again after 6 months, their family had moved out. I don't know whether it was my first love or first infatuation, but her soft voice saying hi, still remains in my vivid memory.
